All By Myself:

I'm new at this living-alone stuff -- torn between liking it and hating it (notice I didn't say loving it).

When I get home from work, everything is exactly the way I left it. I don't have to pick up anyone's clothes, take a glass to the sink, or fold up the newspaper.

When I open the frig, my favorite berries are still there waiting for me, the bread is wrapped tight to keep the air out, and I don't have to shake the milk carton to see if there's enough to pour a whole glass.

When the TV is turned on -- at my pleasure -- I can flip around between Law & Order, Turner Classic Movies or Lifetime's Project Runway. I can even watch the Independent Film Channel or PBS' Masterpiece Theatre without being run out of the room. And I don't ever-never-ever have to watch NBA Basketball or Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends again!

When I shower I have plenty of hot water and take as long as I want. The shampoo bottle is standing upside down the way I left it, the soap dish actually holds a bar of soap, and the back brush is actually hanging on its hook. When I step out of the tub, the towels are folded neatly on the shelf and smell good; I don't have to pick one off the pile and sniff it before drying off.

Will I get used to this way of living or will I always miss the way it used to be... will my heart always ache? As I stand in the kitchen cooking dinner, it is quiet, profoundly quiet. I miss the noises. I miss all the lovely sounds filling our home: Miss B upstairs in her room on the computer, listening to music; Miss H lying on her bed giggling with the telephone pressed to her ear; Miss E in the girls bath cleaning up after soccer practice, dropping shoes and shinguards on the floor; my husband in the garage listening to a football game on the radio while tinkering with his tools. And now, the freshest missing -- Miss M in the den playing tea party with Bitty Baby and Cookie monster.

This is going to take some time... for right now though, I feel like Bridget Jones: "All by myself, don't wanna be all by myself anymore..."