I Wear My Sunglasses at Night:
A couple of weekends ago, I took a little trip to Harker Heights, Texas. On the way, I noticed that all the road signs were blurry. So blurry, in fact, that I couldn’t read the durn signs ‘til I drove almost past 'em! “Hmmm,” I wondered, “What is wrong with all these signs!?!”

I had an eye exam this morning. After taking my vitals and doing some preliminary vision checks, the nurse exclaimed, “And you actually drove yourself to this appointment!” Ha ha ha…

I was then escorted to a freezing cold rest area to wait for my eyes to dilate. I sat there for over an hour! (They denied it, but I think they forgot about me.) Once in the machine room, I snuggled my chin into a cold metal cup and leaned way forward… my eyes were subjected to grids with wiggly lines, bright blue lights, bright green dots, and bright white flashes. My eyeballs hurt and my head ached.

The doctor came in and summed up the results of all the tests to which I had been subjected. As I sat there blinking rapidly, I learned I wasn’t going blind; I had no signs of glaucoma, macular degeneration, nor cataracts (Thank God!). At 55, I am now near-sighted and will have to wear glasses to drive at night… and I have Astigmatism (Astigmatism? I thought it was “You have a stigmatism.”), which means that my cornea is the shape of a football instead of a baseball. In-ter-rest-ing…

They handed me a pair of lovely Rollens to wear until my eyes returned to normal. I looked hot! Just like my 93-year-old-great-aunt. What a fashion statement!